Nicholas makes me the happiest person around. Nicholas is my best friend, my better-half and the best man I know. When the going gets tough, I know I can rely on him.
“The times they are a-changing.” - Bob Dylan
Nicholas and I are going in on Saturday to book our wedding reception and ceremony at the Profile Event Center in Minneapolis, MN. We could not be more excited about finally tying the knot and making it official. We have been engaged for over 1.5 years and I’m ecstatic to just do it. When we got engaged, we were only together for a year. I knew Nicholas was “the one” but i didn’t want to just jump into it. Although I understand that America has a high divorce rate, I’d like to think that I won’t be a statistic in that respect. We have lived together for 2 years and are basically married already. So many people have asked, “why wait?” My response, “Why not? I’m only 23 now.” But from the day we got engaged, we have agreed on getting married in 2013. If Nick had it his way, we’d be married with child already. For the first time since the day we got engaged in Paris, France, I’m so excited I could squeal.
Lately, I feel like I’m battling myself with my friends. I suppose it’s the realization that we are no longer at the same stages in our lives. I’m happily settled down so I can’t blame them if they’re out 4 nights a week and don’t invite me. On the other hand, it’s not like I’d want to go out 4 nights a week, but I always feel like I’m so open to them (inviting them into my home, cooking, cleaning, etc)—leaving my door open even if Nick or I are inconvenienced. Also, just because I’m not out looking for dick doesn’t mean I don’t know how to enjoy myself. I hate that preconception that all I want to do is sit around and watch movies/ tv/ etc. In addition, I would LOVE to hangout with my girlfriends for some girl-time, yet somehow we end up with 10-15 other men that I could care less about. Why would I go out with my girlfriends to only end up with other men? I would rather hangout with my boyfriend.
Sorry I’m not sorry that makes me “a hater.” Keepin’ it real.
Becoming the person I want to emulate
“The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.” -Lao Tzu, Chinese Taoist philosopher
2012 has helped me realize that I’m ready for change: personal growth intellectually, emotionally and physically.
In the past month, I’ve dealt with different relationship problems- old friends who I’m unable to rely on, new friends who aren’t worth my time and great friends who still haven’t grown up. In every situation I have questioned myself as if I was doing something wrong; or as if I were the guilty party for feeling the way I felt. I realize now that I’m just growing into the person I’m meant to be and surround myself with positive people, energy and thoughts. Everyone has their own paths but I’m just getting too old to be irresponsible, in an abusive relationship, or partying like I’m 21. At the risk of coming off like an old, frigid hag, i just believe that there is more to life then this.
I’m excited to go back to school and finish what I started because I look at myself in the mirror and know that I’m not reaching my full potential. It may have taken me more time to come to this conclusion but I know that working in middle management cannot be it for me. Maybe it took seeing my “friends” be so low to push me to reach toward the finish line, who knows? What I do know is I’m ready to dive into school again.
I know with these changes comes not only a better perception on life but it has already helped me find my emotional balance. My moods weren’t as high and low as a wavelength but I know I have needed this stability for a long time to help put everything into perspective and for lack of better words, “see the light.”
Here is to changes because my biggest mistake will be not reaching for a better me.
The Evolution of friendships.
It’s the moment an individual realizes that although time is precious and I may have been friends with someone my whole life, friendship means more than the amount of years two people may shared together. SHARED- past tense- so final.
A friend is someone whom I want to share my joy and sadness with because in that moment of deep emotion, there is only one person I can fathom being there. And the challenging question of why that same person may not want to share those experiences back with you? I was always taught that friendship should be a reciprocal relationship and how does one deal with such a dynamic situation in such essential years of our lives.
I believe in the ability to be honest to my best friend even if it’s not what he/she may want to hear. Because even in their darkest/ troubled moments, if you can’t be honest to your “best friend,” who else can? That doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t understand the concept of “time/place” but if my best friend was in an unhealthy relationship and I actually felt the situation was taking it’s toll on her or her well-being, I think as the BEST FRIEND, I have the a right to be honest (in the most gentle way possible.)
I have had several great friends in my lifetime that has come and go whether it was life, my choices or the other party’s. I feel blessed to say that my true friends and I have an understanding of where we are in our lives and don’t hold those experiences against each other.
Thankful for my old friends, new friends, and the ones who have stood with me through thick, thin, changes and laughter.
Happy 2 Years, 7 Months to Nicholas and I
At the risk of sounding too corny on my first post, I’m ecstatic to announce….we are expecting…our first bedroom set! It’s been a long time coming but we have finally made the commitment to buy furniture together. It’s strange to come to the realization that I am completely content with where I’m at with Nicholas, my fiance.
I grew up in a large Hmong family, raised by traditional parents who wanted nothing but the most eligible Hmong man for their fifth daughter. After years of “training” me how to be an obedient daughter-in-law as to not bring shame onto my parents name, I have made the whole-hearted decision to do the ultimate, and be with whom I choose to be with. This has been a long and emotionally strenuous journey so I decided to take up blogging again to help me make sense of what’s going on around me. Although I do not have the support of my parents, my other family members, close friends and future in-laws are supportive and have helped me thus far. Strangely enough, as upset as I may be with my parents, I’m so thankful for the way they raised me. My parents taught me proper morals (although they may not always exemplify it) and gave me the strength to love the man I choose to.
Here’s to a new generation and the evolution of our tradition.
